April 1st Is Now National Abortion Day

Due to the recent spat of Christian cuntism, women in Virginia are having their rights to kill their fetuses attacked.

Look, it’s clearly a human life. But we, as a society, agree that convenience is more important than caring for some brat child that we don’t want. If they let us abandon our children to fend for themselves, this wouldn’t be so much of a problem. But not only do Christians want us to take these viruses to term, they also want us to care for them for (wait for it) 18 years!

That’s crazy. We haven’t even met it yet. How are we gonna know if we want to stay in its life for that long. I usually get sick of women in a few months. 18 years? Are you insane or sadistic?

Regardless, they’re trying to make women in Virginia have to take an ultrasound before they’ll allow them to choose to suction out their would-be buzz kill. The reason? Women who have abortions will regret it and are therefore at a higher risk of suicide. Forget the fact that there are ZERO studies which support this claim. And forget all the women who are miserable because they didn’t have an abortion when they could have. What Virginia lawmakers are trying to say is that women are unable to think clearly and make a rational decision for themselves. So delaying their procedure will result in fewer bad decisions.

If my brain chemistry was changing with every day that passes (as most pregnant women’s are), I would want to make that decision as soon as possible. If my senator tells me that I need to know what I’m about to do, I would let him know that I didn’t just hear the word, “abortion.” I know what it means and seeing an ultrasound of a fetus won’t change my understanding of the procedure. Nobody ever thought they were clothes hangering an idea.

So, in support of a woman’s right to choose, I propose that every progressive woman in America go out and try to get pregnant as soon as possible. And then on April 1st, 2012, everybody’s going to go out and have an abortion. It’s the equivalent of exercising your right to vote. Our forefathers fought very hard to get us these rights, and it’s time we show that we appreciate it.

So this April Fools Day, participate in the greatest prank of all; the prank of life. Donate your baby parts to stem cell research or don’t. I’m healthy and nothing will ever happen to me ever and I’ll never benefit from medical research, so I don’t care. The important thing is that you kill your baby on the same day as everyone else. That way, Congress (or whoever votes on these things. I don’t know shit about politics) will listen to us.

If abortion is a legal right, who are they to tell a woman she’s not capable of deciding to get rid of their little monsters? It’s an insult to females everywhere and it makes me really scared to fuck Virginians.

So, please, I beg of women everywhere. Have unprotected sex. Tell the guy you’re with that you’re on the pill. Or if you don’t want to lie, just wait until he’s about to cum and then grab his ass and pull him in so he can’t get out in time. Or a third option is to pick up the condom off the floor and empty it into your vagina. Not as romantic, but it’ll still work.

And once you get knocked up, kill the fuck out of that downer thing on National Abortion Day. For the sake of women everywhere.


4 Responses to “April 1st Is Now National Abortion Day”

  1. Zachary Rowe says:

    Lmfao wow…your a very passionate person.

  2. Mia says:

    WOW, I just listened to your podcast with Moshe Kasher. I live right next to Monsey (the town he is talking about that his father lives). VERY interesting. That community is very tight-knit so we don’t interact with them too much. It was very insightful I am not your normal demographic (I’m from the Caribbean) but your podcast is very diverse so I LOVE listening to it (found you from listening to Patrice on O & A and you guest starred).

    PLEASE keep up the good work!!!

  3. Clay says:

    GENIOUS!!! Amen Jew-brotha!!! Being a father I know how much a woman should have the right to choose not to clean up a pissy carpet and peanut butter stains on a couch. EXERCISE YOUR FREEDOM!!!!!

  4. julie says:

    Never mind that sociologists are pointing to the lower national crime rate and the more ready access to abortion and saying “ehhhh? EHHHH?”